Ban Nickelback

HOW NOT TO GET LAID VIA NICKELBACK

What’s a surefire way not to get laid? Try mentioning that your favorite band is none other than the Canadian rock group Nickelback, and that the album All the Right Reasons is your favorite album of all time. Or better yet, while you’re cuddling next to someone and are about to suck face (good for you for getting this far), how about your phone goes off only to have Rock Star proudly blaring as your ringtone?

Let’s face it, Nickelback sucks. And if you can really relate to the dreams and aspirations of any of their songs by wanting to get drunk, do drugs, wreck hotel rooms, get venereal diseases from one of the many strippers you share your bed with, or any of the other cliché aspects of the “rock star” life you wish to lead. You need to get some new dreams “bro.”

So to help yourself, and the boy/girl who has found their way into your heart or pants, stop filling your head with unoriginal, terrible music and lyrics that a five-year-old could spit out. Let’s face it, we all could use a little more sex and with Nickelback out of the way I think we can all benefit.

Please sign the petition. Get Nickelback off the airwaves.

Oh, and newsflash for you, Chad Kroeger, you are a “rock star” so stop singing about how you want to become one.

-DM

There is a scourge on the music-listening public. A scourge that has been allowed to go on for far too long. It is an offense to good taste that should no longer be allowed to stand.

No more will we allow Nickelback to be heard on the radio. No more will we sit idly by while Nickelback music videos are aired on television where impressionable young people may happen upon them or an innocent person could get “How You Remind Me” stuck in their heads.

Join the movement. Petition your local radio station. Write letters to VH1. Ban Nickelback.

This is bigger than a football game. This is about protecting everyone from Nickelback all of the time.